I don’t…

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February 11, 2017 by jenniferdawn73

I don’t know what I’m doing and hope the Lord uses this blog to speak to someone today! I also don’t put any of this out here for sympathy or pity, I was inspired by someone I consider a good friend to be real and transparent for a few minutes. I wish I was as eloquent or talented as they are to be able to communicate what I’m feeling as well as they did. I really don’t know how to start this or if this needs an intro and feel super insecure to post this today!

However here it goes, a fairly consistent theme I have been hearing from many of my friends is, that we all seem to be struggling anxiety, stress, depression, and overall challenges in one area or another. I’m really hoping it’s not taking the scripture out of context however the verse the Lord has brought to mind repeatedly in this time is 2 Chronicles 20:15

2 Chron 20_15.png

There is no doubt to me that we are in a battle, we must remember a few things:

  1. You fight in a battle!
  2. He has already won the battle for us, but we still have to fight!
  3. You never know what someone else may be fighting!

No one is fighting exactly the same battle, but we are all fighting a battle. Know I am praying for you and covet your prayers for me as well!

I’m going to finish by sharing a piece of writing I did about what I’ve been going through personally.

I don’t post this for sympathy,
I just feel like I need to be real…

I don’t always feel this way,
there are good days! Today happens to be one…

I don’t always have it all together,
sometimes the smile hides the pain…

I don’t know the pain of losing a child,
cause I’ve never had one…

I don’t know the tears of sleepless nights,
because all I want to do is sleep the pain away…

I don’t know the joy of a positive pregnancy test,
cause all of mine have been negative…

I don’t know when we will have kids,
we’ve been trying for 10 years…

I don’t know why,
all of the tests are normal…

I don’t know why it hurts so bad and I “can’t just get over it”,
TRUST me I want to…

I don’t think I will be here forever,
but I’ve been here before and I may be again…

If you’ve made it this far thank you for reading. This post originally started as a prayer and turned into somewhat of a poem/spoken word. There are many more “I don’t” phrases I could add, however those were answers to questions I get asked on a semi regular basis. Like I said not all days are bad, many are good like today.

When it is bad, sometimes all I need is a hug and an “I’m praying for you”. Not a promise that “my day will come”. God hasn’t told me that, He hasn’t promised I’ll have kids. His word says He knows the desires of my heart and yes Psalm 34:4 says He will give us the desires of our heart. But we first have to delight ourselves completely in Him, and our desires must line up with His. So that is my prayer for myself, that I would find a way to completely delight myself in him – because then and only then will my desires completely line up with His.

*Footnote: I will do everything in my power to never tell someone I understand exactly what they are going through, because unless you have been through the EXACT situation that someone else has, you don’t. 

There may be similarities, however no one’s story is the same. I try my hardest to say things like “I cannot imagine”, “I’m praying for you”, “I love you!” speaking for myself, sometimes all I need is someone to listen to me and give me a hug. I don’t always need a solution or a way to fix the problem. I love you all and hope and pray no one is offended in anyway by this.


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