Goals and Dreams… and some Reflection

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January 18, 2018 by jenniferdawn73

I really wanted to write a blog about the 40 things I wanted to do before I turn 40 on or around my birthday last year, well as we can see – that didn’t happen. It’s now 3+ months past my birthday and here I sit without a list of 40 things I want to accomplish.

A set of goals and dreams to accomplish before I turn 40 in less than 5 years. So here is the list I have so far of 10 semi big things that I want to accomplish before I turn 40.

1. Compete at the Regional level for Crossfit in my age category
2. Sky dive
3. Run a 5k under 30 minutes
4. Debt Free (and stay that way)
5. Buy a house
6. Begin my masters program
7. Muscle Up
8. 20-100 Double Unders unbroken
9. Read a book every month (Ideally one fiction and one non-fiction)
10. Finish this list…

More importantly than that though…

It’s 2018 y’all!

Here is what I’ve laid out for my 2018 Goals

 

What happened to 2017, 2016… and so on. Do we even remember? Last year the word I chose for my year was Consistency 

2017, was a year of huge growth for me; a lot of changes, a lot of pain, and an even larger amount of joy. I would say there were several different seasons last year. There were seasons of consistency. And by the end of the year there were several things I was very consistent at. I am much more consistent in my study and prayer life. My gym/Crossfit life is also very consistent. This is probably the most consistent area of my life, and has been since I re-started Crossfit in May. I love it and pray I never have to stop!

Trying to Look Forward

2018, what does this year hold? What word am I going to hold on to this year? These are questions I’ve been praying about and asking the Lord often these first 18 days of 2018.

I guess I’m not done reflecting on 2017 – In a lot of ways 2017 and I did not end on the best terms. I was fairly glad to see it go, and get to start over. Some of that will hopefully be a blog for later when I finally have some healing and have forgiven myself for some issues! (I know vague, sorry can’t deal with all that now) I have a dear friend who says to me often something to the effect of; “It’s ok, tomorrow is a new day.” Which is true, there have been many days recently that I have cried myself to sleep, hanging on to the Lord and those words. Tomorrow is new day; a day to start fresh, a day to look forward to.

There is so much I can say about last year, and maybe I’ll devote a post to a reflection on 2017 soon – it was a great and awful year all at the same time. I really wanted this one to be about Looking Forward. Which I’ve decided is going to be my theme for 2018.

FORWARD

Let’s pause here for a second for a few thoughts.

We are always moving forward whether we want to or not. It’s a thing that happens despite us. For me this forward needs to be more directed and more purposeful. Moving forward also takes a bit of reflection to make sure that we don’t just keep making the same mistakes and decisions that we’ve made in the past. So this moving forward will also require some reflection and introspection.

Honestly I’m excited to see what 2018 is going to hold. We are almost a month in and I don’t feel like I have a clear direction or what exactly I’m supposed to accomplish. However I’m excited to see what is going to be accomplished by some added intentionality!

First 18 days of 2018

If you’re still reading this scattered blog, here goes a little more rambling. After a couple weeks of some of the worst depression I’ve had since starting therapy last year, I can honestly say that today is the first day I feel like I can truly see the sun shining. I have gone through the last couple weeks believing that the sun was there and not being able to see or feel it, trusting that God was there. Studying and praying my heart out and not really feeling anything but sadness and frustration.

I say that to encourage you that if you’re in a dark place, God is still there. He never left me, He never said I was too much to deal with, He was there waiting for me to see Him again. For this I am incredibly grateful! Because of this I know that He is exactly who He says He is!

There is really nothing of note that has happened these first 18 days. Looking back at my planner I cannot really see anything to make a huge note of. I haven’t had any huge revelations, honestly these first 18 days have been somewhat of a blur. That happens when I get into a darker spot. Here’s hoping I can start remembering more of the positives even if it does get dark.

I know this may not make a lot of sense to some of you, and I hate that I’m being vague again. I just don’t know how else to process this. I sit down with so much to write and then when I start writing it just seems to go away.

 

Thanks for reading, let me know what you want to know and I’ll do my best to post and be more real and transparent. It’s hard… harder than I thought it would be and much harder than it looks.